I don't have one, shit out of ideas

I'm feeling really vulnerable and uneasy the past couple days which means my bohemian streak is starting to rear its head.
That means I'm fighting an urge to put the purple back in my hair. I'm getting older so I dunno what the fuck I care what other people think but I'm thinking if I do it is exactly when I'd bump into D again and that's all I need after 16 years of heartache over him, to run into him again looking like a freak. Would it even matter to him? Someone else I have my eye on too that I see fairly regularly.....not sure he's gay for starters and is he even into older men if he is? He's really sweet but I'm 40 and have a lot of baggage that I'd not expect a 20 something to deal with...he shouldn't have to. He's young and that's a time to enjoy yourself, not having to deal with some old fuck's problems...I wish I could go back and do it again.

I guess I'm feeling like a caged animal and I don't like it....I could bust at the seams. It has to stop....I can't deal with this. I want to jump out of my skin.

I fucked up the last row of knitting...have to rip it back tomorrow.

There's something wrong with me.I wish I could get electroshock done to scramble my brains....forget everything up until the point in time it was done...get a totally new lease on life.

I think the best thing to do is for me to do first is seek a past life regression therapist....delve into that to see what the fuck exactly I am here for 'coz I can't figure it out anymore and I'm damn tired of the bullshit. I thought I had it figured out at one point but I guess I was dead wrong. I'm just tired of it all...and everything.

Felt good for a couple weeks and BAM....feeling like shit again. I need to get laid...for one thing...that's a major part of the problem. Who knewthis is how it'd be when you're involved with someone?

I'll leave you with this video....Damn Terry Bozzio is fucking hot!!!! Love his expression beating those skins during the solo-so sexy!