Sunday, May 25, 2008


I dunno what to say. I'm writing, the book is coming along well. I'm really happy with how it's going. It feels like I've been given a muse. At the same time I'm scared the flow is going to end so I'm doing as much as I can when I'm feeling it. I just feel this flow of creativity like I've not felt since the 80's. I don't want it to end. I should be trying to get some music going too but writing is what I find the most difficult now so that's what I'm concentrating on. With 14 chapters written in about 3 weeks, I think I'm doing pretty well.

One scene I just wrote tonight involved a concert which made me think of my past and this song. It's always been special to me.I know it's probably futile at this point but D....This song goes out to you.

I am smarter than 75.01% of the rest of the world.
How Dumb Are You?

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Smokie vocals

Wow...what a night. I've been working on some music and lots of stuff came flooding back. I'm hell-bent on recording Smokie's "If You Think You Know How To Love Me". I've been belting that out all day. Actually, I've been listening to Smokie most of the afternoon. They just had that damn feel good vibe of the 70's. As I was working on a short story just now, This gem came on and stopped me dead in my tracks. It's kinda hard to sing for a few reasons, not knowing it all that well for starters but this conjured up memories of my past. A certain someone who will never leave my mind and also my mom. I'm sure my mom is leaning on a chair or something watching me work on the vocals to this. I was unable to find a video for it that Smokie recorded so this will have to do. I want to say, even tho I know he's probably not ever going to see this, all those nights delivering to Rockit, I've never forgotten you Pizza Boy. Those eyes and that smile are burned in my memory forever. So for you mom...and for you D.......

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Bring on the lasers! I'm fighting back!

Well, I had an appointment for Botox today at a medspa and decided I wasn't sure if I wanted the maintenance of it. Every 4 months going back for another injection. I have a dent between my eyebrows that has bothered me for a long time and I've been considering this for about 2 years I guess. The nurse told me to take my time and decide
-she didn't try to pressure me into it. If the Botox didn't smooth out the dent on its own, I could get a Juvederm injection which is really what I wanted but she said that the muscles are too strong and too active between the brows and the Juvederm would break down within a month and be wasted money.

I had asked her opinion on IPL treatment, a Photofacial. She said she loved them and thought they were good. I had read they were snake oil, have read a lot on those and while most were relatively benign, I thought I'd ask. Well, one could be done right there on the spot. So I went ahead with that, not really sure what to expect.

Let me say right now, I can fully understand how people get addicted to cosmetic procedures. The Photofacial was not at all like I expected. I didn't feel a thing on my forehead, around my eyes or on my cheeks. It did HURT when she got to where my beard was. Less painful than tattooing but it stung. She said because the hair absorbs the energy. I guess it must be like what electrolysis feels like, I dunno. I've only ever waxed my face before and this was different.

Right off the bat with only one treatment,I can see a significant difference in a red splotch on top of my right cheek I used to agonise over with make up to cover and it never STAYED covered. I would say it has lightened up about 70% and will be completely erased with the next treatment in 3 weeks. I THINK maybe I see a difference with the baggy areas beginning to form on the sides of my nose, they seem less pronounced but I can't tell yet if it's real or just wishful thinking.

I am now seriously thinking of going to the dermatology dept. of Mass General hospital for C02 laser which is pretty serious business-it's the most aggressive laser, I had the weakest today and it wasn't even a laser what I did today. That will most assuredly do what I want that I know this Photofacial can never do. C02 laser will tighten my skin, it will smooth out the texture and given how I look now, I think I can turn back the clock and make me look more like I did at 23 or 24. TO tighten up the frown lines, erase the crows feet starting to form and even out the texture is really what I want and make me happy. I also think I am going to go ahead and get the Botox/Jevederm but I still need to weigh that....that is a process that needs to be done every 4 months...the Botox anyway...and I already have a heavy commitment with keeping my roots up bleaching them every 4 weeks.

I never said I planned to age gracefully. As a teenager I was a tough-talker, saying I would get a facelift when the time came. Done right, I think they look awesome but as the years have passed and I've seen what these surgeries actually involve...I'm not such a big mouth anymore and lasers are one of the few things left that do not scare the shit out of me (maybe they should?) It's the only thing, aside from chemical peels, that I have left to fight time with. Surgery with knives is out...I just can't do it but I'm still young enough that lasers can work miracles if I choose a doctor wisely.

If I go with the C02 laser, I'll really have no choice but to get the Botox/Juvederm as that dent ages me and is really what started all of this.

I can hear my mom now, what a vain bastard I am, wasting my money...but I can't help it. Is there anything wrong with wanting to look like I'm 24 while I'm still young enough to do it without looking totally ridiculous? What's wrong with wanting smooth, even toned skin? Why shouldn't I exercise that option? What is wrong with wanting to look youthful while I still can?

I know already that I'm in big trouble...I cannot handle ageing....there's nothing wrong with it except I do not want to get old looking. I'm not ready...when will I be ready? I dunno,maybe never, I have no idea. I just know right now I'm at a point where I can fight back and I think that's just what I'm going to do. I don't have unrealistic expectations, I'm not doing it for anybody but myself. I'm seen as a freak already so I don't really care, I only care about making myself happy and I think this will do it.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Moonlight Shadow

Maybe it's when I get in low cycles of mood but this is one song my my biggest non-metal idol, Mike Oldfield. This man is a guitar god like no other, and far more than a musician. I can't tell you how long I've been into him, I was very young when I first got Tubular Bells, maybe 12. Before I go rambling, here's one of my favourite songs sun by a vocalist who wasn't with him long enough, Scottish born Maggie Reilly. She has the voice of an angle and I guess she still releases records. For you John Lennon fans, take a good listen to the lyrics, the song was said to be inspired by John's assassination.

One more...Five Miles Out....Can you tell this man is a demi-god to me? Once upon a time I could hit all of her more :(

OK, Last one, I promise. This one's called has always been a huge favourite and very near and dear to me. It's kinda crazy, a whole lotta fun....I love how at the end he's toying with the audience and enjoying it ;)The studio version is a bit better but it's always fun to see them perform it live.

Friday, May 02, 2008


Jesus it's been over a month since I blogged. A lot has been going on, a lot of internal stuff I've been struggling with. Some personal issues which are really hard to deal with and other stuff that's just frustrating like living in this dump with the noise. I only wish the two newest industries moved in a year prior to my moving here
and I never would have destroyed my life by leaving home. Its cost me a lot in terms of personal happiness, health and stability. Not sure there's a lot to do with the economy in the shitter, I've endured far too much to take a big loss on selling in this market. HOWEVER...

I've been writing again because I just need to. There's things swirling in me and bubbling and it needs to come out so I'm working on a story and have about 4 or 5 more I started that never finished. Maybe I'll work on those once I get this one done.

I also hadn't anticipated my current venture back into music. A good friend of mine is gearing up to release her new CD this summer and as we were talking, I googled one of the programmes she's using and watched the demos and thought about it for about 3 and a half minutes before promptly ordering the damn thing. SO now I sit, frantically trying to learn Apple's Logic that I bought last year for some strange reason or other and only installed but never used. This new programme reminds me a lot of my vintage 80's synth, the Fairlight CMI which I ache to use again.

This'll be different as I've not really done electronic music since the mid 80's. I switched over to guitar because I got sick of screwing with computers and this and that setting and all this other technical stuff. With guitar, you just plug in, tune up and rock out. But here I go back to the rocket science again...and it really is now. Back when I was doing it before it was sort of in its infancy and so new that it was easy to grab what you needed to know because we were all learning together but now it's mind boggling. It'll be interesting though to see where this leads. I've always admired Mike Oldfield and put him up in some pagan God-Like status...maybe I can create soundscapes as haunting and beautiful as he has.

I don't know if this is the blessing or the curse aspect of being a Pisces. It's interesting tho how things cycle and evolve and constantly change. For now, I'll leave with a pic of two of my favourite people I recently met.