Bring on the lasers! I'm fighting back!

Well, I had an appointment for Botox today at a medspa and decided I wasn't sure if I wanted the maintenance of it. Every 4 months going back for another injection. I have a dent between my eyebrows that has bothered me for a long time and I've been considering this for about 2 years I guess. The nurse told me to take my time and decide
-she didn't try to pressure me into it. If the Botox didn't smooth out the dent on its own, I could get a Juvederm injection which is really what I wanted but she said that the muscles are too strong and too active between the brows and the Juvederm would break down within a month and be wasted money.


I had asked her opinion on IPL treatment, a Photofacial. She said she loved them and thought they were good. I had read they were snake oil, have read a lot on those and while most were relatively benign, I thought I'd ask. Well, one could be done right there on the spot. So I went ahead with that, not really sure what to expect.

Let me say right now, I can fully understand how people get addicted to cosmetic procedures. The Photofacial was not at all like I expected. I didn't feel a thing on my forehead, around my eyes or on my cheeks. It did HURT when she got to where my beard was. Less painful than tattooing but it stung. She said because the hair absorbs the energy. I guess it must be like what electrolysis feels like, I dunno. I've only ever waxed my face before and this was different.

Right off the bat with only one treatment,I can see a significant difference in a red splotch on top of my right cheek I used to agonise over with make up to cover and it never STAYED covered. I would say it has lightened up about 70% and will be completely erased with the next treatment in 3 weeks. I THINK maybe I see a difference with the baggy areas beginning to form on the sides of my nose, they seem less pronounced but I can't tell yet if it's real or just wishful thinking.

I am now seriously thinking of going to the dermatology dept. of Mass General hospital for C02 laser which is pretty serious business-it's the most aggressive laser, I had the weakest today and it wasn't even a laser what I did today. That will most assuredly do what I want that I know this Photofacial can never do. C02 laser will tighten my skin, it will smooth out the texture and given how I look now, I think I can turn back the clock and make me look more like I did at 23 or 24. TO tighten up the frown lines, erase the crows feet starting to form and even out the texture is really what I want and make me happy. I also think I am going to go ahead and get the Botox/Jevederm but I still need to weigh that....that is a process that needs to be done every 4 months...the Botox anyway...and I already have a heavy commitment with keeping my roots up bleaching them every 4 weeks.

I never said I planned to age gracefully. As a teenager I was a tough-talker, saying I would get a facelift when the time came. Done right, I think they look awesome but as the years have passed and I've seen what these surgeries actually involve...I'm not such a big mouth anymore and lasers are one of the few things left that do not scare the shit out of me (maybe they should?) It's the only thing, aside from chemical peels, that I have left to fight time with. Surgery with knives is out...I just can't do it but I'm still young enough that lasers can work miracles if I choose a doctor wisely.

If I go with the C02 laser, I'll really have no choice but to get the Botox/Juvederm as that dent ages me and is really what started all of this.

I can hear my mom now, what a vain bastard I am, wasting my money...but I can't help it. Is there anything wrong with wanting to look like I'm 24 while I'm still young enough to do it without looking totally ridiculous? What's wrong with wanting smooth, even toned skin? Why shouldn't I exercise that option? What is wrong with wanting to look youthful while I still can?

I know already that I'm in big trouble...I cannot handle ageing....there's nothing wrong with it except I do not want to get old looking. I'm not ready...when will I be ready? I dunno,maybe never, I have no idea. I just know right now I'm at a point where I can fight back and I think that's just what I'm going to do. I don't have unrealistic expectations, I'm not doing it for anybody but myself. I'm seen as a freak already so I don't really care, I only care about making myself happy and I think this will do it.