Bored....

OK....It's Saturday night and I'm sitting here listening to W.A.S.P.'s 2004's effort "The Neon God Pt. 2: The Demise" I had planned to knit but I'm waiting for yarn to come for another Denim sweater. The yarn is on back order and expected in a couple weeks max. Boo Hoo! Yesterday also arrived a new pair of contact lenses so I think I now have every colour of the Ciba Radiance line. Autumn is my favourite, Sunrise is awesome too. Eden doesn't show much at all on me and I'm not sure about Moonlight. Sometimes it did and other times not so much when I had them before.

I started writing short stories again and wanted to write but it's after 11 now and I'm not sure I want to stay up until 3 AM writing.

I got bloody mad Thursday at my hair stylist. She did my roots as always but for the past few visits seems more and more distracted. For one thing, the cell phone needs to be locked away somewhere not in the shop-there's always a little too much chatter and not enough concentration. When you're putting bleach on my hair, I kinda expect full attention on my hair, not a phone call or who is being stood up or the details on a sofa and its cost. This time I paid for it dearly...my hair looks like someone pissed on it. I have NEVER been this brassy and I've been bleaching it since I was 21-almost 20 years. She insists it's platinum-it's light but not quite that light. It's golden-I don't like it. I went to see her the next day and straight away, "I did exactly what I was supposed to.' Umm, no not really-you didn't leave it on long enough! Long story short, she got my cheque, ripped it up and threw it at me. She absolutely refused to take ANY responsibility which to me showed she knew she fucked up. This is MY fault? I don't think so. I wasn't looking for my money back, what I wanted was for her to say "We'll correct it next time." but she's insisting I got what I wanted.

No...I've been asking all along for rock & roll hair and I don't get it. How bloody hard can it be? That's ALL I WANT, I just want my rock & roll hair. Wild, unkempt platinum blond hair. I can sorta manage what I want on my own but I can't bleach it...I can't see in back to paint the crap on. So now I have to find a new place. Actually, I may have. I stopped in a mall (UGH!) and asked if they could help. They said no, not right now-I'd end up with major breakage and hair loss but they did ask why this woman didn't put a toner in it. [shrugging shoulders] She seems to think she can handle all tones of blond with bleach alone, I dunno. Usually she is spot on, this time she was too worried about other crap. She's bloody lucky my hair didn't burn off but that's ok. She wants to throw away a 17 year relationship, fine with me. I've decided I think I'm done with foils too...I want my whole head done from now on.

I've been sorely tempted to colour it purple again, that would take care of the problem nicely-I've got the manic panic colours but I've got my eye on someone and don't want to scare him. He doesn't know me yet and I can be pretty wild when the mood strikes. And I like the blond, I don't WANT it purple. Not all of it anyway. Instead, I've been forced to wear my top hat out which I've never been comfortable with. I like it but I just don't think hats are me. Funny how bad hair changes your mind and you adapt ;-)

This photo is a few years old but I got bitten by the *MOON* bug ;-) I decided to mess with my photo. I'm debating weather I want to be bothered with the maintenance of going snow white like Johnny Rod of W.A.S.P. fame. Google him-he was HOT!!!!!! God I loved him. He's a paramedic in PA now. Hmmm.....he can work on me any time but I don't think I got what he's after :-/ It looked so good on him but it's such an incredible PITA to maintain.
I was platinum before-the upkeep grew old REAL fast but it looks so bloody good. Well, it did when I was 21.

I'm rambling now...have a good night ;-)

Thank you and I'm sorry

Thank you all for the wonderful comments on Patrick. I've tried to post comments to your blogs-Moon and Sue and Blogger isn't letting me long in. If I try the new account it cycles endlessly on the password and if I try my old account, it tells me I've switched to the new blogger.

I think I need to get away from this and go some place else to blog. Blogger screwed itself but good. It never ceases to amaze me how they can fuck up a good thing in the blink of an eye. Commenting is messed up, spell check does not work-did they even bother to check this all out before they forced it upon us?

In meantime, I've ordered more Denim yarn and am tossing two designs around from the same book Patrick came from. Not sure which one I'll do-both require the same amount of yarn. One is called Seahorse and the other is the very last one in the Denim book...the very casual V neck with the garter st. borders.

I started knitting a Nancy Bush sock...I've got about half a "Friday harbour" sock done (I think that's the name of it?) and it's going to be too small to fit my foot. I'll rip it tomorrow maybe.

I started a "100 things about me" and am about half done with it. maybe I'll have it done for whatever I end up with a new blog.

Other than that....I'm just lusting after one of these cars. I want a Lotus Esprit. Pity I can't drive a manual. I'm thinking of learning just so I can rent one of these this summer. Im tired of drooling over it-I want to drive it before I become too old and lok as ridiculous behind the wheel as the white haired grandpas driving Corvettes. I'm not all that far away from that age bracket. YIKES! YOu can see this baby in action best in Basic Instinct. Julia Roberts also drove one in the beginning of Pretty Woman. Sharon Stone looked better tho ;-)

Patrick is done

Patrick is finally done. Aside from a 6 or 8 week detour where I was wrapped up playing Second Life every bloody waking moment, it didn't take all that long. This is the best picture I could get. Started Oct. '06, finished March of '07, would have been February if not for Second Life.

All I can say is this is such a satisfying achievement. It was a lot of fun to know and certainly keeps you on your toes. If I did it again, I may make it an inch or two shorter. it's supposed to be this long but it just makes me think of the girls in the 80's who wore sweater dresses, tights, spiked heels and a real thick belt round the waist. A great look...but I am not a female nor do I wish to be ;)

Can't decide weather to make another cotton sweater for summer or order some wool for a saddle shoulder gem from Knit Picks. I'm looking back through some 80's knitting books too (I can hear the groans LOL!) and may do one of those just for fun. There was nothing about the 80's I didn't love-the clothes, the hair, the music-everything...was the best. Hasn't been another decade that has come close to the fun of the 80's.

Gosh I look grumpy. I'm really not that grumpy LOL! I was very happy when this was taken.

Still Alive

I'm still alive LOL! Today I was determined to knit and stayed the hell off Second Life.

At 7,58 PM tonight, just as my DVD of Basic Instinct ended, I cast off the last stitch of the main knitting on Patrick. WOOT! WOOT!

Tomorrow I will tie off the loose joins and stitch the one shoulder,wash it and see how it shrinks up.Then all that is left is to knit the patterned collar and I can wear it! WOO HOO!!!!!

I think while I've got the enthusiasm, I'm going to put in the animated movie Flushed Away and knit a square so I an shrink it with the sweater. This yarn does shrink up quite a bit according to the instructions. I need a washed and dried block for repairs if I need it.

LOL! Blogger still can't get its shit together with the spell checker. Doesn't work. Hmm.....WACH AUF BLOGGER!

Goodies!

No, I've not fallen off the face of the earth...I'm just firmly entrenched in Second Life. In any event, we got some horrid weather. The weather people were on about this big storm only we didn't get quite so much a storm as we did a big, frozen pile of ice. It was mainly sleet that has frozen and is bloody heavy....too thick to chop through.

Somehow the postman managed to make it through and delivered this box of goodies to my door. After all these years, I've finally got to hear and see the Goddess of Knitting, Elizabeth Zimmermann in action. I only have watched one episode so far but it's FAB! Well worth every penny.

I should be done with and wearing Patrick but seeing as how I live in Second Life when I'm not in Real Life....I've not got much knitting done. Hence, I cannot attempt these Fair Isle mittens until I am. I'm going to see if I can sit down with the the knitting podcasts and get some work done. It's so close..

SO...Bis folgendes Mal (Until Next Time)

I apologise to any Germans if I said that wrong...please tell me the proper way. I'm trying to learn the language.

Second Life madness

Hello....Man did I ever step into an addiction. Valium holds nothing on Second Life. I had heard about it on a podcast last weekend and Friday night thought "Hmm, let me see what this is all about." Now, I played video games with some buddies when I was a teen. I wouldn't ever say I was addicted to them-I got frustrated easily and that always seemed to keep it in check.

Did it shock my ass when I found I was losing hours in Second Life. I sat down Saturday and the whole bloody day was gone before I knew it. Huh? What do you mean it's supper time? I just put breakfast dishes in the dishwasher. Holy Crap this game is fun!!!!

If you click the link and check it out, just be forewarned....it can be EXTREMELY addictive. I think I would have had my sweater, Patrick, done by now had it not been for Second Life. I still have a bit more than half to go on the final sleeve. I'm going to attempt to take my ass away from this computer because I cannot sit down anymore without wanting to go into SL and poke about. It's just too damn cool for words! Maybe I'll post my avatar, I've grown very fond of him and am rather protective of him. Is that completely daft or what?

Anyway, hope you all are knitting and being productive. I'm going to see if I can't build knitting needles and yarn in Second Life. I'm sure it's possible to knit there-I'm just too new yet to figure out how. ROTFLOL!

I switched to the new blogger....apparently the spell checker is not working.

Templates

Somehow I managed to sign in FINALLY under my old Blogger. I refuse to switch to the new one but in meantime...if anybody understands how to change templates and doesn't mind helping me, can you please leave a comment so I can get in touch with you? I'd like to change this before I'm forced to switch to the new blogger at which point, I'm most likely going to delete this and disappear. I lost a lot of readers anyway when I stopped knitting over the summer. LOL! Who can knit when it's 90 degrees and just as humid? In any event, I refuse to open yet another new account just to blog. If my current one I set this up with isn't good enough, then that's Bloggers problem, not mine. That is insane anyway-I'd like to know exactly what Google gets out of this to be forcing the use of their account to remian with blogger. I hardly ever use google anyway. My favourite search is clusty.com and my second favourite is ask.com. I never will understand why they have to go screw with something that donesn't need fixing in the first place.

Hope you guys had a good day. I wasted mine in front of this infernal machine instead of knitting like I had planned to do.

Currently playing in iTunes ~ Erotic City...Prince & Sheila E.

Desk Mess

I was looking over some blogs and saw this over on Sam's blog and thought why not. This is the mess I call my desk. It's not always been this way but I think this shows how bad my mental state got. I've been wanting to organise it but since this is upstairs and nobody really sees it, it's not a high priority since I've been getting the downstairs straightened out. Man, this is embarrassing. I'm not this much of a slob.

I saw a really nice computer armoire at a furniture store last year that I'd love to get but not until I move into a nice home in a nice neighbourhood. I'm done spending in this house. It's kind of a sin to hide a Macintosh like that since they're just so cool to look at.

Right then-after seeing some of your blogs, it seems colour work is the in thing right now so I went and downloaded this Northern Lights Mitten pattern from Knit Picks. I just downloaded it and maybe I'll order the yarn next week. Its not really been mitten weather and I don't really wear mittens (fingerless mitts, yeah) but I'd like to get back into colour work since you have inspired me. I've done stranded work before (my Zebra Sweater) and it is not nearly as bad as intarsia. I only wish I had done an argyle sweater first as I highly doubt I will ever again do intarsia after doing a Kaffe Fassett pattern. Once was more than enough for me. There goes my classic argyle.

Do you suppose they'll discover scents are carcinogenic? LOL! Everything else seems to be. I say this only because scent has a very powerful impact on me. I use Nantucket Natural Oils a lot. I was simmering his Sweet Jasmine oil tonight while I was working on the start of the last sleeve of Patrick. There's other oils too. Not to mention I'll spray my room or sheets with stuff that takes me back to different times in my life. Often I'll squirt a spritz or two of a perfume my mom would wear into the room. I dunno, I just find scent a very comforting thing. I need to get some honeysuckle oil to simmer. My grandparetns had a lotof that in their yard and I don't think I've smelled that since I was a we lad-I only remember it attracted every bee in the tri-state area but boy did it smell nice.

I guess I'll quit here for tonight. I had been listening to 4 or 5 back to back episodes of Chub Creek today and had sort of planned to do an audio entry for a change but wasn't quite sure how to go about it and I felt kinda stupid sitting here talking to myself so I did a normal entry instead.

Currently playing in iTunes ~ Midnight Syndicate The 13th Hour

Happy Imbolc

By am I behind schedule. Anyway, as the wheel slowly turns, I want to wish you a happy Imbolc.

have a lot of house work to do and managed to finish the first sleeve of the sweater. One more to go and it'll be Happy Snoopy Dance for this lil witch!

Half a sleeve, home stretch

I've been knitting full steam ahead on this sweater. Got half a sleeve done in the past couple of days. It's funny, the memories that go along with these. This sweater will be forever reminding me of Lime & Violet and Chub Creek as that's what I mainly listened to while knitting it. A few episodes of OZ here and there but mainly podcasts kept me company. I still can't believe how fast the knitting went on this. I was convinced when I first started it that I'd be knitting this till doomsday but once you get a rhythm going, it really sort of flies along and it's just too interesting watching the cables move along.

I need to go buy some sock yarn. My doctor totally freaks when he sees the socks I wear. Mainly it's been the two pairs of Jaywalkers I've worn. The green ones and the multi-colour candy coloured ones. Since I have one more appointment in May for a complete physical, I'll need to get and make one more pair of Jaywalkers. I'm debating weather to knit them on a size larger needle as they are a royal pain in the ass to get on my foot-then again, I don't think they were meant for a man's foot but who cares LOL! They're cool socks! And so far, of the three or four pairs of socks I've knit, the Jaywalkers show off the yarn the best.

Went to the eye doctor yesterday, made out OK there for now. I am so damn tired of doctors now, it seems that's all I did January was go see doctors. Last one up is the friggin' dentist. They scare me most of all, financially and anxiety wise. That dentist office smell and those torture tools just really wig me out.

I spent 90 minutes getting a copper kettle polished up this morning. I had let it really get nasty...just hadn't been feeling all that great the past couple years...that old "FTW" attitude. Now that I'm feeling better, I decided to get it clean. I'm so happy I've got a shiny copper tea kettle on my stove again. I never thought that could be saved...lots of elbow grease and 90 minutes was all it took. I love copper, even if it is a royal PITA to keep shiny.

Back to my regularly scheduled life

Wow, what to say, a lot has sort of gone on over the past week. I guess first & foremost is I finally got my butt to a doctor on Tuesday of last week. Awesome guy, someone you can actually talk to who doesn't have a God complex. Very down to earth and reasonable guy. We talked a bit, he did some blood work and put me on Xanax. WHAT A DIFFERENCE! I feel like a totally new man and no longer at the mercy of my nerves. I haven't felt this normal in over 4 years and feel like I'm finally getting my life back on track. I have to go again this coming Tuesday for a follow up and then again 1 May for a complete physical.

Knitting-wise, I started a pair of Log Cabin socks with the cashmere. Ripped it out after one sock as it was too large and just generally too floppy-had no body and I knew I wasn't going to like it. It was sinfully soft but just not quite right for a pair of socks. I guess I'll just forge ahead on Patrick and get that done.

I'm all caught up with Lime & Violet...they are, without a doubt, one of the best teams out there-I love 'em! Now there's only Chub Creek (in my podcast links) to catch up on.

That's really all that's been going on-I've been trying to get some organising done since I've not done a whole lot since I had been feeling so volatile and just had a general "Who Cares" attitude.

Being that it's supposed to be dreary and rainy, I'm going to park in front of the devil box and knit all day :-)

Have a great Sunday!

The Spring Winter day

Holy Crap...it was almost 70 degrees yesterday-this is January....it's not normal. While I'm not asking for snow, cold weather would be nice. I've not gotten to make any soup this year. I'm one of those weird people that won't make soup unless it's cold. There's a movie I've been wanting to watch too but it sorta requires some cold weather to really watch it properly. There's just some movies you watch over the winter that you don't watch over the summer and vice versa, you know?

I spent the all of yesterday winding that infernal jade sapphire yarn into balls. It took about 2 1/2 Twilight Zone episodes to wind each hank into a ball. I have never seen a hank so messed up....winding in and out of itself, it started to go one way then would double back on itself. WTF? I will be writing to them tomorrow. I now have 5 balls wound-two words NEVER AGAIN. I didn't want to use it for socks thinking it was too special but after that, they are SO getting make into Log Cabin socks....Besides, it's been so warm and not really scarf of mitten weather.

My amaryllis bloomed too the other day. My mom always had these around, I guess I got mine too late to bloom for Christmas. Anyway, it's pretty. I heard what I thought was my cat jumping off a table or something. It was the damn flower that tipped over. I'd always read they have a tendency to tip but never had one that actually did. Mine did. One flower is all cut up now but at least the stalk didn't break. There's another stalk that's a bit smaller ready to bloom. I'm glad I got pics before it tipped.

Have been getting some laughs listening to Lime & Violet. I'm caught up to episode 13. They're awesome! Also finally subscribed to Chub Creek after listening to Brenda Dayne talk about him so much. His show is cool.

Winding Woes

Has anybody else experienced big time tangle issues when using a 'high end' yarn? I set out today to wind some super luxurious cashmere into balls to make another pair of Log Cabin Socks (Note to self-post pictures!) for myself. Today being the first day we've seen snow this year and being that I'm stuck inside waiting for fish eggs that were supposed to be in my original order I was supposed to get Thursday which came minus one jar of said caviar and I'm the putz waiting for a delivery that UPS does not deliver on Saturdays.

ANYWAY....my nerves have about had it and I'm about to set fire to this cashmere yarn. I won't mention any names, I think you can figure out what yarn I'm talking about as I raved about it a few posts back. The yarn is nice, HOWEVER the experience is more than the end product to me...it begins with the hank, proceeds to the ball winding, then to the knitting and finally the end product. This super luxurious cashmere yarn is nothing I'll be blowing money on again, it's crap as far as I'm concerned. I'd rather be handling Red Hart yarn...yes, I said RED HART. This particular brand of cashmere is EXTREMELY overpriced and unabashedly over-rated to the Nth power.

At first, when I made fingerless mitts with this, I had the same problem but thought perhaps it was just a hank or two that was bad....Now I see it's not just a hank or two, it's the whole damn lot.

I'm going to attempt to make heads and tails of this knotted, tangled mess they have the audacity to call a hank. I'll tell ya what I call it...cashmere or no cashmere, this is what you call a Hunk O' Junk! I may or may not end up with ashes, depending on how long I can stall my nerves.

Can I get my Valium now?

2.04 PM ~ My nerves did get the better of me. This is what's left after I cut it up to confetti with some nice, sharp cooking shears. These shears go through yarn even cleaner than they cut throgh chicken bones. Too bad I'm going to the doctor in a little over a week or I'd go take some Serax and get in bed and read the rest of the day. If he does blood work and finds Serax in my blood, there's no way he'll ever give me Valium so I gotta be a good boy and suffer a little longer. I fear I've got a brain chemistry imbalance :-(

Morpheus says:

Knitting and podcasting and stuff

Hmm, lesse...I want new stuff! I should be happy since I now have an almost complete set of the Brittany needles I've coveted since last year and I'm real happy knitting with them but I think I want to try a pair of Lantern Moon needles just because they look nice. Not quite as nice as the Brittanys but nice! I also think these square needles look intriguing and I want to try a pair. Not sure they'd be all that comfortable? Just something new to try.

I've been busily knitting away on Patrick. I think maybe this photo will show the detail a bit better, it's just so enormous at this stage that it's difficult to get the centre panel of diamonds to show up. While knitting, I found myself all caught up with my favourite podcast, Cast-On.

I discovered I need to keep a notebook by my side LOL! Brenda has such great content that I'm quickly filling up the chart for Patrick with notes on new podcasts, songs she plays, or other stuff she mentions. One such podcast is Sticks & String. It's done by a guy named David Reidy from Australia. I have a couple of episodes before I'm caught up with him and he'll not be doing another episode until the end of January. Check his cast out....it's really very good!

Another podcast I found, I think via Brenda Dayne, is the first video podcast on knitting I've ever seen Let's Knit2gether This is so cool! You have to check it out. It's nice where knitting is a visual thing and you can see what is going on.


Right then, that's about it on the knitting front. I was startled awake about 2.30 AM by the start of a panic attack so I jumped out of bed, got a handle on it before it got a handle on me and I think I'm going to settle on the sofa now and watch one of my favourite movies for a bit.

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas, Happy Yule or whatever it is you celebrate :-)

Finished!

I got the back of Patrick done tonight, and what a feeling of accomplishment. I spent the day listening to Brenda Dayne while knitting. It feels like spending the afternoon with a good friend, she just has a very comforting way about her.

Anyway, this is the correct length...this yarn is supposed to shrink up considerably in length and you have to wash & dry it in a clothes dryer before sewing it together. Let's hope it does shrink up as it should else I'm gonna have to find me an 80's style girl who can pull it off with a pair of tights and a big, chunky belt.

I'm almost sorry I didn't make this in a wool instead of cotton. Perhaps one day I'll re-knit it in wool-I think it'd look wonderful in a heathered green.

Took nine and a quarter balls to make the back.

On another note, we went and had dinner with my cousin and her husband last evening. It was nice. I haven't seen them in 20 years and never really spent any time with them. It was great to spend time with them and talk. We need to do it more often. They live out in the middle of nowhere which was nice in a sense. You could see stars in the sky, they have deer that run around there, that's how rural it is. No street lights. Her husband took the four of us to see some Christmas lights which was nice. I haven't done that since I was a little boy with my grandparents.

The ride back home, though. OMG...I'm questioning moving now. Maybe it's too rural but it was pitch black, no street lights and we're driving having no clue where the hell we were going and I'm having to do deep breathing and think happy thoughts (roller coasters) to prevent myself from freaking out BIG TIME in the car. I told Chris maybe I can't do this....and that perhaps it may be that we're stuck in the city and I just find a doctor who just prescribes Valium without a problem. I really don't think I can handle that, as much as I want to get the hell out of here, I had a big problem last night. I dunno what the hell is wrong with me. I guess that dashes any romantic notions I had of finding a little cottage in the Scottish Highlands. :-(

ANYWAY....1 piece down, three more to go on Patrick. I wish the pattern showed up better in this photo. Maybe if I get one in the daylight rather than a flash. It's really striking when you see it in person.

Log Cabin Socks done

I finished them Monday or Tuesday. I'd post a picture but have to wait until the spousal unit gets them for Christmas and tries them on before I get a picture.

I'm tossing around the idea of making a pair for myself in Jade Sapphire Cashmere but I'm not sure I want to use the yarn for socks. I don't know WHAT I want to use it for. I made a pair of fingerless mittens, I just am not sure if I want to use cashmere for socks. My very first pair of socks are kinda ruined...the toe area has felted and gotten very stiff. I guess maybe I wear them too much.

Have been busily knitting on Patrick tho I'm getting nervous it's going to be too large. My nerves are shot so I'm not even going to think of that at the moment.

Does it feel like Christmas? It doesn't to me...not sure if that's my nerves or the fact it's too goddamned tropical? I dunno.

Not having a good night but then, that's pretty usual for me ROTFLMAO! I can't stomach this time we live in has moved from drugs to this holistic crap....but what can I do? I'd rather drugs....I'm jus sayin' :-)

Now Playing in iTunes ~ Future Memory by Heth & Jed

Ghostly apparitions and other such things

LOL! I've been playing with my camera and experimenting with double exposures again. It's been 5 years since I've really shot anything seriously so it's a huge learning curve again. I'm not totally pleased with these results but I'll get there again.

I've been wanting to try light up needles as they look interesting and fun but I'm not a fan of plastic to start with. Has anyone used them? I guess I'd do well to really get knitting again. This time last year I was knitting up a storm for Christmas. I had a mountain of hats and mittens and slippers and what not. Now I barely sit and knit. How do you mothers with kids do it? I just find by the time I get a grip on my stress, I just have no enthusiasm to knit even tho I want to. I can no longer sit on my sofa and knit in the evenings due to the noise level here. I just seem to get up, muddle through the day, and go to bed. If I can get through the day without smashing something, that's a good day.

Have started to look for a new place to live. I've decided I don't care what capital gains penalties I have to pay, it's not worth it to stay in this ghetto any longer. I spent a couple hours this morning on the Remax and Century 21 web sites looking at new homes and am not real encouraged :-( I'm hell bent on a Victorian and can't find any at all. But this stuff is like shopping at a vintage clothing store, you have to hit it on the right day so I've not totally given up hope.

I'm hoping that I'll be able to toast in the New Year. generally, tradition has it that I get a bottle of Dom Perignon for New Years but I've been unable to drink the past two months. The alcohol really wreaks hell on my nerves so I've not touched a drop. I'm hoping I'll still be able to drink the Dom.

Anyway, better days are coming.....When, I'm not exactly sure but I have to believe in that.

R.I.P.

Well, at 8.30 tomorrow morning, I'll be at the vet putting my mom's cat to sleep. He is in end stage renal failure...he's gone way down the past week and the blood work came back today and the news is not good.

Aside from that, our oil company (that my dad has used since I was a teenager) has, as the Steve Miller song goes, taken the money and run. We are out a couple thousand dollars of oil money.

At this stage of the game, it appears I am never going to get the fucking relief that only Valium can give me. I have called a shrink today and I think I am going to start looking at the possibility of electroshock treatment. I want Valium but I think getting my brains scrambled will be more easily attainable. I'm not making light of it...this anxiety is BRUTAL and for some goddamned reason or other, the mere mention of the word Valium and cat claws come out and people go on the warpath. If one person could walk in my body for one week, they'd be singing a vastly different tune. But whatever...I'll be an interesting case of exactly what anxiety does to a person.

I suppose listening to Marillion is not the best idea at this time but hey-why not. I've got Clutching At Straws playing in iTunes.

Build a Bear (and knit for him too!)

Ok, we went out for supper last night with friends. While they went to a Christmas store, I spotted a Build A Bear and decided to go in and look around. I ended up making a bear and I want to introduce you to Morpheus, named after the Greek God of Dreams.

This is his little Christmas pajama set. I got him a scrub suit and a Santa outfit. I was just looking at all the clothes for them on the build a bear web site and I can tell this is going to be a dangerous thing for me...too many cute things for them...

BUT, I decided it might be fun to knit him an Aran sweater. Wouldn't take very long at all, I don't think.

I'm off to bed but wanted to introduce you to Morpheus. These shots were from this morning, the first when he wa still in bed and then after I got him up for breakfast. It's WAY past his bedtime now...