MOVING

I've gone and done it...i've gone and moved. If you're interested in following my blog, point your browser to http://jerryc37.wordpress.com/

I think that's where I shall be from now on.

Great

I just updated my blog to do something with folloing other blogs and it fucked up my haloscan comments. I hate technology. Now to remember my haloscan info so I can go re-install it....I wish Blogger made it that easy to add 3rd party templates...assholes.

Oh geez...I'm a happy guy, eh? I will return....I think a pill may be in order...it's one of those days. I can feel the fury rising

I give up....tried reinstalling...doesn't seem to have worked. Sometimes it's better to just leave well enough alone. SInce the advent of Ravelry and Plurk, there really is no need for web rings anymore and I haven't liked Blogger for a while so maybe it's time to move.

I WANT DRUGS!

Black Void

How long can one man survive without intimacy and passion before he snaps? Is 25 years long enough? Is it real or is it an illusion Hollywood has manufactured? I believe it is real...for the truly breathtakingly beautiful people of which I was not one this time around. Teetering on the edge of blackness yet again is frightening-the coldness of the world and the male race in particular is no fun.

Then again, artists are too sensitive and I can fully see why we are driven to drug abuse & suicide. My next life I want to come back as a female much like an ex freind of mine who had men (GAY and straight ) falling at her feet to do whatever they could to be in her presence because I fully intend to use and treat men like the shit they are.

I've prayed and cried to the universe....it has not brought Danny any closer to me. A drug habit is real close....just where to find a dealer? I can no longer live like this. It's time to escape.


For You Danny....You'll never know just how much of an impact you've had on my life. For 16 years my heart has cried rivers for you-when you walked into the room, you did set it on fire. I only hope wherever you are and whoever you're with, you are safe and happy. That's all I ever wanted for you...I only wish it were me that got to share that with you. I just didn't try hard enough. You were shy and I was too scared...I blew it without even trying. I'm sorry....I hope we'll meet again on the other side, I miss you so much....I'll always love you...And I would walk a thousand miles to see your smile (and eyes) one more time.

Interesting Accent

I found this interesting...

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Northeast   Judging by how you talk you are probably from north Jersey, New York City, Connecticut or Rhode Island. Chances are, if you are from New York City (and not those other places) people would probably be able to tell if they actually heard you speak.
Philadelphia
Boston
The Inland North
North Central
The South
The West
The Midland
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Traumatised

My doctor got a bit more intimate than I cared for today...knew it was coming,just not when. While I recover, I leave you with this teaser....

Twisting Wicker

Err, Dicker Twicket....no, no...WICKED TWISTER! That's it! I made an interesting discovery last week at Cedar Point thanks to this ride. I found my extreme hesitation to do rides like Top Thrill Dragster and Kingda ka have to do with the fact I'm not too keen on laying on my back facing the sky at a 90 degree angle. I don't know why.

This ride was the closest I'll ever get to the now defunct Chiller that Six Flags fucked up (as only six flags knows how to do). CRAZY FUN! You get launched 3 times forward, twice backwards on this fun contraption. 215 feet tall, 70 MPH. First launch takes you part way up the spike, ditto the reverse. When you come down from the back spike the first time, you feel just how strong a push the magnets thrust you out to climb much higher on the front spike. ALl the while twisting around like a candy cane.

I did not mind being on the back spike, facing the ground at 90 degrees...the front spike spooked me a little bit. I'm not real sure why-that's fucked up logic, no? Looking at the sky should be easier and the ground scarier? For this reason I probably could never go up in the space shuttle. But now that I see where my fear lies, I can probably conquer TOp Thrill Dragster next time.

I actually made a second discovery-I'm no longer so enamored with the poorly run, money grubbing, highway robbery chain known as Six Flags. I'm a confirmed Cedar Point fan boy! Six Flags ought to be ashmaed of themselves. No, let me rephrase that...Red Zone management and the asshole that is CEO should be...the park was fine until he took over. Fuck him and his chain-we goin' back to the point next year!!!!! WOOT WOOT!!!!!

Next post will come my newest love who stole my heart..but that's for next time. Gotta present her well, she's very very special!

For now....enjoy WICKED TWISTER! The music stinks but the ride kicked ass! Loved this.Chris was laughing every time we ride. Said it made my hair look like I stuck my finger in a power point. LMAO!



Here's an on ride POV from the front. Sorry, the raw intensity of this just does not come through in videos. it's probably the most intense coaster I've ever ridden, but that's just me.

Leaving...On A Jet plane

Off to Ohio to go ride some coasters. Got a 10 AM flight and am freaking out. I wanna be on the Motley Crue jet getting wrecked with Nikki and Tommy so I don't know or care we're in an impossibly heavy suppository. I want the rock & roll BLARING. I'll take a Xanax about a half hour before we're set to take off. On an empty stomach it hopefully will chill my ass out some but given what happened Saturday on two of them, I dunno. It may have no effect at all.

Thinking I may be done with the platinum too. She's WAY over processing me all of a sudden. The last two times she's bleached me up to white and that's a BIG no-no. Now it's starting to break off in front and I'm just so done with this-I can't lose anymore. She was doing great at first...dunno what's up now. She knows better too. I'm going for extensions when we get back. UGH1 THe older I get the more high maintenance I get. Does this shit ever stop? Youth honestly really is wasted on the young.

SO...I'm wondering how long after take off I can put my iPod on? I don't see what the deal is with an iPod. Mobile phones I do...that damn thing interferes with my computer speakers, my television, my radio....I totally get the mobile phone but whatever.

Wow...in a few hours I'll FINALLY get to ride a stand up coaster. I've done floorless, I've done traditional sit downs, I've done inverted, I've done launched (God I miss you Chiller-Mark Shapiro you bastard!), I've even done 'em laying down staring straight at the ground below...never done a stand up. Gonna be wild! :D

I was gonna put Kickstart My Heart here but I used that one below. shrugging shoulders

OK, I'm off...this is fear making me ramble now. See y'all on Wednesday

KNITTING!

Knitting content...can ya believe it? I'm about 50% done with Whitby now...actually, I consider it more like 75% done because the final sleeve will work up so fast it won't even be funny. I wish I could knit on the plane. But I'm sure long haired, bleached blond, tattooed dude and pointy sticks will put a major knot in the ass of TSA agents. Coz I look like a terrorist, right? Well...maybe if the pilot or co-pilot is some major babeage ,I could become a bit of a nuisance. LOL!


We fly out to Ohio Thursday morning...I'm SO not looking forward to this flight. I just hope the fear of post 9/11 in a plane doesn't overpower the Xanax. I remember all too well back in the metal days when we'd be so wrecked and if something freaky happened, having the situation sober you up in the blink of an eye. That happened a few times.

Saturday I picked up Nikki Sixx's book, The Heroin Diaries. I was never a HUGE Motley Crue fan. I liked 'em but I didn't break out over them like I did/do King Diamond or Warlock or Lita Ford. Anyway, I'm about half way through it and it is mind blowing. I can relate to a lot of the pain and fears he's writing tho. It's kinda spooky.

Saturday Night was so crazed it's unreal. The assholes out back had a party which...fine-I'm not an unreasonable guy I don't think. They had shitty music blasting but they had a fucking mixing desk OUTSIDE so this shit was blaring NON STOP It was like the K-Tel record from hell...8 PM came and it was still blasting so after 7 phone calls to the useless police dept in this ghetto I couldn't take it anymore and at 10.30 PM I went psycho on their motherfucking asses. SCREAMING like a lunatic TURN THAT FUCKING SHIT OFF! YOU HAVE NO FUCKING CONSIDERATION FOR ANYBODY BUT YOURSELVES! IT'S 10.30 AT NIGHT! This asshole yells back "It's weekend mon....no work." SO I yelled to go take it back to the ghetto where you belong and bother them. I can't fucking deal with this anymore. SO I popped 2 Xanax, threw some shit in a duffel bag and went into Boston like a fucking lunatic rock star at 11.15 PM and got a room at the Westin....I paid $400 fucking dollars (including a $40 bar tab) for 6 hours of sleep because ghetto trash has no consideration for anybody around them. I SO wanted to do a Sharon Osbourne and throw a fucking roast over the fence but they'd probably have lit the grill and cooked it. If my dad weren't already pissed off enough himself, I would have put some Slayer or Venom on and given them a real concert.

Which leads me to....when people take a holiday and come to Boston...where the fuck do they have breakfast? It dawned on me Sunday morning when I woke up and looked out the hotel window and it dawned on me I wasn't in New York. There are no diners to pop into for a bite to eat. How do visitors eat in this half-assed city? There must be a restaurant or something in the hotel I imagine. I didn't see one.

Since I'm reading his book...let's close this with some rockin' good tune...How about:

Songbird

At some point there must come a time when your soul heals and your heart smiles. I'm not even close yet. Maybe that only comes when we move on to the next plane of existence? I don't know anymore. For you grey eyes, with all my soul...

Pianos

SO I found this guy on the 'net who tunes pianos. Found several actually but this dude sounded the best of them so he came today to tune my piano. First time its been tuned in 19 years. Was WAY flat....it's better than it was but still flat. He comes again next week to tune it again and this time it should be in perfect tune. He said it actually appreciated in value-it's worth 2 grand more than what my grandparents paid for it when they got it for me back in '86. Good to know but I don't plan on selling it. I banged out a little Kate Bush, F'wood Mac, Queen and Suzanne Ciani. Feels good to play but I'm really really rusty and it's a bit embarrassing given the level I was at back in the 80's.
I don't like to be heard just yet but my dad paces round and round.

I'm thinking of taking lessons again, classical. I love the discipline of classical but I remember how hard it was at the time my dad got early retirement. I was already pretty adept at that point and having him pace round and round would throw my count off. Not sure it's worth it to take again even tho I want to.

Ain't she purdy??!



He even told me to polish the brass...I didn't know, for some odd reason,this could be done. The Yamaha logo is actually a brass inlay in the wood. I thought it was painted on and lost forever. It was really really dingy. Looks like the day the 3 guys brought her in and set her up! The pedals too-they were BLACK. Not anymore WOOT! WOOT!



I also got a couple movies from Amazon. On Ravelry, a friend was saying there's this German movie with English subtitles...Mostly Martha. Loving the German language so much, I ordered it. Wouldn't you know it came today-when the Olympics begin. DAMNIT! I also got Fantastic Voyage. Love those old sci-fi moves.

Purple

I am purple. I think there were 5 unticked boxes from this quiz I stole from my friend Moon over there on the Nocturnal Knit Witch. I expected it to tell me I am black but it said I am purple.

you are purple #800080

Your dominant hues are red and blue. You're confident and like showing people new ideas. You play well with others and can be very influential if you want to be. Your saturation level is very high - you are all about getting things done. The world may think you work too hard but you have a lot to show for it, and it keeps you going. You shouldn't be afraid to lead people, because if you're doing it, it'll be done right. Your outlook on life can be bright or dark, depending on the situation. You are flexible and see things objectively.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

Which colour are you?

Movie Rentals LOL!

So I'm truckin' along on the Whitby jumper....really enjoying that. It was supposed to be finished for the spring-I said I was going to wear it on the first harbour cruise of the season. I'm about 3/4 the way up the back and 3 more pieces to go. No big deal, I can still wear it in the autumn. I'm debating weather to make another pair of log cabin socks....that Elsabeth Lavold angora/wool blend if he's a nice guy, Shetland wool if he's not. Too soon to tell yet. I can knock those out in a week or less so I'm not worried.

I just finally ordered a Doctor Who t shirt from my favourite episode that is on the UPS truck as I'm typing this. I can wear it tonight to knit night :) WOOT! WOOT!!!


I also ordered a new night stand that I think I should have Monday if the confirmation e mail is correct. I'm real excited about this-it's really really nice...and no, it's not a naked guy table LOL! It's even better...at least it's ilk have been nicer to me than guys ever have. I now need to find what to do with a huge stack of art books because there is no under the table shelf or storage. I guess it'll be relegated to the attic with everything else. There's so much that needs to be thrown out up there but my dad won't do it so I have the lovely task of doing it when he's dead 'coz he's just as big a pack rat as my grandfather was. Funny, he berated my grandfather for that and he does the same damn thing. I should just start doing smaller stuff now. See, this is the reason that anything I throw out now I smash with a sledgehammer-my dad went and fished a broken electronic typewriter out that is still sitting in his bedroom. He doesn't type and the damn thing is broken but still, he's saving it. For????????? Chances are good if he's not attempted to use it in 23 years, he's not going to. GET RID OF IT!!!

In meantime, I got all my DVD's sorted. This is part of them. There's another shelf off to the left of this that is filling with TV shows and music videos and that lot. I could open a rental store, no? LOL! According to Delicious Library, I have 458 DVD's....LOL! I own more DVD's that CD's. Never liked CD's but I'm not going there now. I think if you click the pic you can see a lot of the titles...not sure if Blogger shrinks it more so you can't? Apparently Blogger shrinks it even more so you can't read the titles.

One Word

I saw this on my friend Lorraine's blog so I stole it. I think I did this once before but what the hell....

Rules: You must answer the questions using only one word. Then tag four others.

1. Where is your cell phone? Dresser

2. Your significant other? CK

3. Your hair? CANDYFLOSS!

4. Your mother? Dead

5. Your father? Home

6. Your favourite thing? Roller-coasters

7. Your dream last night? Sex

8 Your favorite drink? Absinthe

9. Your dream/goal? Happiness

10. The room you’re in? Office (?)

11. Your hobby? Knitting

12. Your fear? Heights

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Happy

14. What you’re not? Laid

15. Muffins? CUTE!

6. One of your wish list items? Muffins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

17. Where you grew up? Here

18. The last thing you did? Showered

19. What are you wearing? Jeans

20. Favorite gadget? Vibrator (you want honest or a lie?)

21. Your pets? Cat

22. Your computer? Macintosh

23. Your mood? Horny

24. Missing someone? Yes

25. Your car? Jaguar

26. Something you’re not wearing? Shirt

27. Favorite store? Tiffany

28. Like someone? Yes

29. Your favorite color? Purple

30. When is the last time you laughed? Just now?

31. Last time you cried? Yesterday

It seems that everyone has been tagged for this- but in case you haven't been - please play along. Finding a single word for an answer can be challenging.

How come the link didn't work?

I don't have one, shit out of ideas

I'm feeling really vulnerable and uneasy the past couple days which means my bohemian streak is starting to rear its head.
That means I'm fighting an urge to put the purple back in my hair. I'm getting older so I dunno what the fuck I care what other people think but I'm thinking if I do it is exactly when I'd bump into D again and that's all I need after 16 years of heartache over him, to run into him again looking like a freak. Would it even matter to him? Someone else I have my eye on too that I see fairly regularly.....not sure he's gay for starters and is he even into older men if he is? He's really sweet but I'm 40 and have a lot of baggage that I'd not expect a 20 something to deal with...he shouldn't have to. He's young and that's a time to enjoy yourself, not having to deal with some old fuck's problems...I wish I could go back and do it again.

I guess I'm feeling like a caged animal and I don't like it....I could bust at the seams. It has to stop....I can't deal with this. I want to jump out of my skin.

I fucked up the last row of knitting...have to rip it back tomorrow.

There's something wrong with me.I wish I could get electroshock done to scramble my brains....forget everything up until the point in time it was done...get a totally new lease on life.

I think the best thing to do is for me to do first is seek a past life regression therapist....delve into that to see what the fuck exactly I am here for 'coz I can't figure it out anymore and I'm damn tired of the bullshit. I thought I had it figured out at one point but I guess I was dead wrong. I'm just tired of it all...and everything.

Felt good for a couple weeks and BAM....feeling like shit again. I need to get laid...for one thing...that's a major part of the problem. Who knewthis is how it'd be when you're involved with someone?

I'll leave you with this video....Damn Terry Bozzio is fucking hot!!!! Love his expression beating those skins during the solo-so sexy!

Settling In and knitting

I got my new waterbed yesterday. Dude from the store came and set it up in about 45 minutes. I clearly remember my old one taking my dad and I MUCH longer. I was amazed to see this guy haul the headboard himself...it's huge and heavy and it's attached to the frame before he can lift it. He wasn't much bigger than I am either. SO for the first time in over a week, I finally slept well last night. I guess the novelty of a new bed made it feel like the first time ever on a waterbed. The mattress pad is different so that had to play into it as well.I used to use these cheap ass synthetic pads on the old bed and they'd bunch up and shift and I HATED the sand it left behind that I had to clean up every 6 months. This is a very heavily quilted envelope the mattress goes into, you fill it then zip the pad closed. It's like sleeping on a cloud. I'm tempted to say it's similar to those egg crate things except only more comfy than that.


The frame is nice tho I wasn't all that wild about the roses painted all over the glass. My old one was all wood, no glass but the 80's are over and waterbeds are not the popular things they were back then. Back then you couldn't go to a mall or any place without seeing a store for them.Now I know of only one place in my area that sells the classic waterbeds and the styles are very slim. Still, I'm happy with it. I LOVE the King size...never slept on a King size before and I did not want to get out of bed this morning. My back is not screaming at me anymore and my shoulder doesn't hurt as much. I guess after 24 years of sleeping on one, it is the only thing I can sleep on anymore.

I've been knitting too. I got about 28 rows done which is one complete repeat. I'll work more on that today. I should have the jumper done by the fall if I work on it steadily.At least I'm knitting again and that feels good. I guess the stress down that hell hole was just too much. I'm far more relaxed here.

The madness of moving

Well, I'm back living at my dad's. I just couldn't take it down that hell hole another day. Last Thursday night I stormed off. Called the mayor the next day telling him I was forced out of my own home and thank you for dicking me around on buying my house. First he said the city was interested-no shit-they could expand the fucking dept. of public works-then his people told me he never said any such thing and he has no authority to say any such thing. What did I do, pull that statement out of my ass? Can you see the mentality I'm dealing with-the mayor should have known that if it's true but whatever. So I called him again and told him since I can't get hold of him and he refuses to return calls (this from the person who said he was the most accessible mayor this ghetto has had in years) I have no recourse but to go to the local news channels and expose how corrupt the city really is. The next morning I found the back window to my Jag smashed. I wish I saw who did it so I could have gone out and dismembered them.



ANYWAY....life is much less stressful here but carries with it some stresses of its own. It's not easy at 40 to go back home. Still it beats the shithole I was living at before. I've not had much time to write as my BF comes up to visit me at night (he stayed at the house or my dad is pacing around which really grates on me at times....retirement shouldn't be an option for people that have no real hobbies....it's dangerous really to have all that idle time and it just rots the brain. Not healthy. Mental activity is important and watching tv and looking out windows doesn't do the job.

I got hooked up to Verizon DSL for internet but have big problems with e mail and they're useless as they don't support Thunderbird...they only support MS Outlook Express. I asked them if they're aware MS abandoned that a few years ago.

A heavy metal concert would be great about now but ya gotta love the USA...they decided we didn't need metal and killed it off. This Numetal shit they can keep...it ain't real metal. Something is gonna have to give 'coz I can't blast music anymore and that's not gonna work. I may need to get me a passport and go to Germany to see some concerts. Soft music is going to kill me.

The bed I've been sleeping on is crippling me, I've been sleeping on a waterbed the past 24 years. I ordered a new one Monday or Tuesday and got a call it will be delivered next Tuesday. Thank god! I can't wait...at least I'll be able to sleep comfortably again. The bed I'm on is like sleeping on cinder blocks and is REALLY hard to get to sleep. This move is costing me a lot of money-UGH!

Still, I was able to knit yesterday, 2 rows but I did some anyway. I guess I'm still getting settled in. My cat is loving exploring the house, looking out windows and not being blocked from the other side of the house by a division wall like at the other house. I think she's tired from so much to see LOL!


Doctor Who is on tonight...first time I've gotten to see it in three weeks...can't wait! I suppose I could buy the past two episodes I missed on iTunes but I'll get the whole set when it comes out on DVD No big deal.

I'll close with this:

What's Going on?

OK, normally, I despise rap music but this is sorta fusion. The fact this reminds me a lot of the opium tinged Alice In Wonderland doesn't hurt...nor does the fact the singer is fucking hotter than hell. Holy shit.....

Sunday Morn' Creativity

LOOK OUT! Helter Skelter

At some point things are going to look up...they have to, no? A person can only take so much negativity and frankly I'm tired of it but I got even more bad news on selling this twat trap so......I've been singing this, shouting is more like it, all day. When I've not been crying on the sofa.

I'm sorry for being so whiny and immature lately, I've just had more than enough fucking negativity and can't take anymore.


In two weeks,we will be in New jersey riding roller coasters at Six Flags. Suffice to say,I'm planting my ass on row 9 of Nitro and NOTHING is going to pry my ass off that coaster.
This ought to be cute,pulling back in crying because it feels to good to ride.


In meantime, crank up the volume and sing along. I generally don't like covers but Pat Benatar did an awesome job of this, I think.

Expression

I guess this is pretty self-explanatory to anybody who knows what has been going on the past few weeks.To those that do, yes, it's tearing me up inside. To those that don't...it's just artistic expression. As always...this is for you D...if you ever see this.